RECOVERING FROM ABUSE...

RECOVERING FROM ABUSE ...






RECOVERING FROM ABUSE...

HELLO FRIENDS,

I hope you are well!

Many of us have been abused and recovering from abuse is a process, which is more or less long
according to circumstances, individuals and attitudes.

When biologically lot younger, I was involved for a while in charismatic evangelical churches where pastors were preaching that
all inner or physical healings should be IMMEDIATE if not it meant the person was sinful, rebellious or cultivated unbelief in their hearts.

Anyhow, I got really angry when a young girl who had already been a victim of abuse was victimized and blamed by those who should have contributed to her recovery!

This was partly what incited me to leave such fellowship, witnessing so many injustices for years
going on in the name of God, because of the heavily control freak mentality of tyrannical primitive male values, harshly ruling these churches, so insensitive but still screaming about Godly Love!

The last straw was when this young blind and disable girl who really loved Christ and had nothing much else in her life to hope for than attending churches and christian youth groups etc, and was desperately trying to get a life or her own, working at feeling whole, blossomed and involved in the community,
was accused by such abusive male leaders of not having faith because after he had prayed for her physical healing, she was still blind and disable!!!

As a punishment, he and the other leaders had decided to ban her from the christian youth club she enjoyed so much, making of her a bad example!!!!
How can one recover from such blows, mainly when unfairly shown as the bad sheep, the one who is at fault
in the eyes of God in front of a huge congregation of more than a thousands members???

Well, you might not have experienced this type of public humiliation and abuse but you all had your share of abuse, you need to recover from.

The first thing, I will say, dear friends is not to worry about the factor time.
Inner healing is a long process and one cannot expect to get up and perform healed at once!!!
Unfortunately, even in secular circles, lots of pushy  so called therapists believe in shock treatments,
where you get agressed or bullied as well during the therapy or where you will be blamed if you dont perform healed asap!
This is only going to hinder your inner healing!

As much as you know, I like filming in an inter-active way etc
 as much I dislike reality shows where you go and wash all your dirty laundry in public and end up more hurt after opening up to millions of viewers who are not trained counsellors or specifically empathic people with a gift in inner healing,
but who are at the contrary,
like the Roman crowds at antique circus, greedy for more blood and bad action!!!

People who have been part of such reality shows have confessed later on to have become suicidal
or to have seen their private lives worsen as a result!

Inner healing will only occur in  a safe environment and this safe environment requires you to be
protected and anonymous from the wild world around.
Nobody needs to know the true colours of your knickers!
Except you maybe and eventually your partner.

Our internet mediatised society is also a temptation to expose our scars publicly or to demand
personal attention through mediocrity and lower energies... allowing more dirty gossips and risks of more abuse.

Staying safe and private seems more and more difficult but it is a discipline to help inner healing.

Not confiding in too many people is another key.
Choosing well the few friends or therapists you might
confide in, is another priority.
It is good to diversify at times and not remain always in the same circles or with the same counsellor.
However it has to be done with care and wisdom.
Sometimes we all make mistakes and when we realise we gave our trust wrongly or when we realise that
we are not fitting our counsellor etc then it is best to change and move on.

Nothing must stop us in our inner healing quest!!!!
Work must remain in progress and work is actually remaining in progress all our lives!

Even when we reached a successful level of inner healing, we at times seem to be never there, as we identify layers and layers unknown to us, popping out suddenly,
sometimes at the most unappropriate moment and in the ugliest manner, showing us that we are not done yet, with our mess!!!

If you have been victims of severe abuse in your life and feel bad about being seen as different because of these scars affecting your personality in spite of all your best efforts to mend...as fast and discreetly as you can...
dont worry, we are all survivors of the casualties of life!!!
and getting healed is longer than an earthly lifetime job!!!

We might not all have been exposed to the same level of inner wounding but we all are in need of inner healing!
So dont feel that this makes you a wierdo!
If others make you feel that way around you, I suggest these
are not the best people to help you and you must look around for a new circle of loving friends!

Sometimes God does not seem to heal disabled people or at least He does not on this earth, and they seem to go
through suffering all their lives, however the inner healing they experience through such traumatic
experiences can turn into a blessing for many as Joni Erickson is demonstrating in her video above.
You too can turn your pain into a blessing... It is also out of my own anguish, disappointments, failures and pain that I created
today UGF, spiritual humanitarian and artistic, films and foundation to be!!!!
You too can be adding your share of pain transfigured in a blessing for all to our world, using
the extreme pain you suffered as a deeper knowledge to contribute to our world!
Sensitive people, artists and people who have gone through exceptional trials and tests are actually
blessed with a deeper intuition and vision, revealing new fresh angles to the rest of us! So you too are a blessing and will help more people from the ashes of your own sufferings!

I also met on the internet lovely ladies who explained that although successful and blossomed etc they went through
seemingly unexplained very dark patches. They could not figure out why????
Please watch video about the founder of the diamond experience, Jacqueline Joy...
Well, these sort of things happen to all of us, when we have too long covered up or when we did
not even realise we had our own share of inner healing needs because life did not seem too bad
for us and even seemed to have been very good indeed!

This is why Christ explains that we all are at different levels, damaged individuals in need of mending.
He explains very clearly that it is the inside of the cup which needs to get cleansed and not
the outward appearence.
Religion, tradition, social obligation etc often force us to present a clean outside of the cup to the world
if not we could soon be rejected, lose our jobs, friends and family etc
What is called a public image is paramount in the media for any individual or company to succeed at the vanity fair...

However Christ, teaches us all the opposite.
He asks us to go aside, away, far from the crowd and to find a safe place to pray and meditate, contemplate so to be true again!!!!
To be true again, takes time to put the mask down and stop performing!

Weakness is seen as  such a terrible flaw in our male tyrannical primitive value orientated society, that anyone wishes to avoid
it, at all cost. However, it is by accepting first our imperfections, our needs, our weaknesses and deal with it
that we can only start building up new strength of character through contemplation of universal love, our divine
reference and through acting upon it!
These ideal moments of truth will shape you in the person you truly are and free your beautiful unique inner potential into
reality for the benefit of all of us!!!!

Let us stop pressurising each other to become someone else, to wear a perfect false mask, to pretend and perform.
We are all war injured, we are all wounded individuals, imperfect individuals in need of recovery. We need to find
with each other what I can call a safe transparency!

In my own life, I still suffer sometimes sudden irrational reactions at some people or events. It is simply because although
I made my business to inner heal from very young whislt helping others to inner heal too, I am far from arrived at the
end of my personal journey!
Of course, like you, I totally dislike that and feel so ashamed of myself when this happens to me.
However, I thank God and life for showing me by popping it up, what I still need to work on.

My clowning really helps me in these situations and I recommend you to also learn to laugh at yourself
with compassion and love of course, not with nagging, since laughing is good for the health and also
it brings you the adequate healing distance, to not take your pains so seriously!!!
Most of all, keep loving yourself and surround yourself with gentleness and lots of patience... Don't forget,
you are on your way!!! We all are on our way!!!
Life is a wonderful pilgrimage and journey and through loving and helping each other as we love our own selves we are contributing to heal our world too!!!

If you need any counselling and you think I could be the best fit for you please dont hesitate to write
to me at luce.fleury@universalgracefilm.com
I am not perfect and my counselling is not perfect but each one of us can be right at the right time and
the right place of need!

And don't forget that you are always very much loved!

Blessings, sister lucy

FORGIVING IS NOT EXCUSING!

FORGIVING IS NOT EXCUSING
Hello Friends
I hope you are well!
I have already spoken about misconception concerning forgiveness in religious or spiritual circles,
but I think it is a really important topic, so I wish to explain further, how I see this.

So many misconceptions about forgiveness have been actually excusing any form of abuse revealing a distortion between wrong and right!
It seems there is a huge confusion about evil and good all over nowadays anyhow and evil actions are excused whilst good actions are mocked or questioned.

However, there is no true Love without true Justice.
The balance between good and evil is not about erasing or reversing these values.
But the balance within is precisely found in true loving justice.


When someone you dont know, in the street, suddenly walks on your foot and breaks your bones, with an obvious malicious intent, then you know something wrong just happened, more so, you
know something evil, something unfair happened.
Are you going to smile at your aggressor and
tell him, I forgive you, have a nice day?
Or are you going to call the police? call an ambulance? or are you going to start a fight with the guy trying to damage parts of his body too?

Well, it might sound stupid but what the majority of religious or spiritual people are demanding to innocent victims abused is to tell their abuser, I forgive you have a nice day, almost thank you!!!
I am really grateful, You are great! I love you so!

These brave people usually dont care at all about the victim.
They actually seem to reason as if the victim is the guilty party.
The victim, according to them has only one right, which is to forgive the agressor.
Only one duty which is to forgive the aggressor.
If the victim does not forgive, then the victim is even more guilty and needs to be reproved and annoyed, nagged or sometimes even worse, blamed, insulted or ostracised as being really bad and vindicative.

Honestely, we are swimming in a see of absurdity, arent we???
Dont smile, this is something that occurs continually in religious or spiritual circles!!!

So how would true loving justice deal with such issue?
Firstly, true loving justice is incompatible with social hypocrisy
Forgiving became the POLITE SNOBBISH THING TO DO!!!!
But this has nothing to do with true loving justice
It is more about showing off, how good one is and mainly to avoid all the nagging and judging one could get from politically correct do gooders, if one would show one's real feelings instead.

True loving justice is also about, and this is a divine command as well as a condition of harmony in the universe:
Love your neighbour as yourself!!!

So, loving ourselves is not selfish but an equivalent expression of loving justice.

What is real strength? In a male value orientated society, real strength is seen as not crying, not feeling, not showing any emotion etc etc etc
Actually when one has been abused in any way, one needs to go through several phases to get healed so not to keep sequels of the abuse which could manifest with disastrous effects later
on and popp out in the worse possible manner.

The first phase is for the victim of the abuse to precisely identify that the victim is not guilty but the aggressor is!
One of the main problems with victims of abuse is that so often
these people are incapable of loving enough themselves, have a low self-esteem and they keep finding a reason in themselves or their behaviour, to excusing the BAD CHOICE of their aggressor.
So that they keep on and on getting victimized!

True loving justice is not in the business of excusing what is wrong or criminal.
Ture loving justice is precisely about identifying and qualifying an action for what it is!
A crime, an aggression is an evil action and it is not to be called a good action.
Bad actions, criminal actions are punished by our human laws and courts, and so are they by God's laws or the spiritual laws in the Universe, whatever you call it...

The concept of forgiveness is a religious concept which is initiated by  undeserved grace granted by a Merciful God to sinners who do not deserve it.

Forgiveness is a pure act of mercy, not a right, not a duty.
Forgiveness is acknowledging that an offence, a bad action has been occuring, a bad action which is punishable by law.  The victim chooses out of mercy and as a pure grace, to
let go of legitimate grudges or vindicativness following the aggression.
However forgiveness does not include letting go of the legitimate adequate course of justice and reparation.

The Bible has taught us that True Justice, or God, does not take lightly crimes and evil actions!
The Bible tells us that in the eyes of total purity and goodness, the real punishment for any bad action is DEATH! Christ, died on the cross as an act of obedience to God Father who needed to see
Justice done by the penalty of death! However because of His Mercy, God took our punishment on HIMSELF and died
on the cross instead of us!

Forgiveness cannot become real if the persons who committed such bad action do not repent which means, truly be sorry about what they did, ask for forgiveness or accept the forgiveness , change and grow a new better person and
repair the damages that bad action caused to their victim..

Excusing, on the other hand, is about considering nothing wrong happened!!! or nothing REALLY WRONG
happened! That's not so bad after all... actually the victim was looking for it....
so it is about allowing the aggressor to get away and do it again because, after all it was not
so bad, and maybe even the fault of the victim....

I believe that in our society we are more and more told to excuse criminals and more and more told to victimize innocent victims....

I wish to take two examples here, I am quoting in my one of the books I am writing for a few years called
WHY MARRY?

One is concerning physical or mental abuse from a husband to his wife, the other is concerning physical or mental
abuse from parents to their children.


I have copied following some very useful info from a cause I joined on Facebook called Stop violence against women,
I advice you to join as well, going in the direction of what I am going to explain concerning abusive attitude of husbands
against their wives.

I think that whether we are religious or not we are all influenced by religious standards since as explained even the
notion of forgiveness is religious at the root!

Religions and even the Christian religion have been too long falsely upholding that males are the authority in charge and that females should be their slaves, we have all witnessed that in churches, so many times, when a woman was badly beaten up by her husband, priests or pastors, would simply tell her to forgive and go back home!!!

Well, I know the story of a woman who after continual physical abuse had gone in a non religious shelter and got the
advice to get a divorce and never to go back to her husband, but she was feeling torn between her religious convictions and
the sound advice she had been given. So she went to her pastor and his reply was, you must ask permission to your husband
to divorce him first and he told her to go back once again at home!!! Well, she ended up again at the hospital and this time
so badly injured that she almost died and this in a curious sense, helped her as we could say to come back to her senses!!!
She realised this was not an example for her children and she feared for her children's safety as well.
Because very often in male religious circles children are seen as more important than the wife!!! If the wife dies, it does not
matter, you can still get a younger one and start the abuse all over again....

Anyhow, then this was a first step for her to get out of HELL!!! Since we can't call such life heavenly or Godly!!!
After a while, she progressively understood the terrible mistake she made by listening to the religious tradition of submission
etc and false forgiveness...

Once again, please go on the website of Joel and Kathy, God save my marriage! and you will get plenty of examples and explanations, of why the real truth is that God made male and female equals to lead as a team their homes and did not grant a big male bully the privilige to punch a female victim!


One of the other sources of chronic abuse comes from the twisted understanding of the command HONOUR YOUR PARENTS...combined with the twisted
understanding of the command of forgiveness...
So many children are beaten up and even killed by their parents because of such badly understood concepts.
Not only underage children but adult children keep on and on being destroyed, humiliated, see their marriages ending in
divorces, ruined, unable to succeed in life etc because of such bad treatment from the ones supposed to love them and
take care of them.
I explain in my book that the persons who have a first responsibility of care are the parents, not the child.... since the adult parents decide from their own free will  to commit their adult responsibility to have a child!!!
This is not a SACRIFICE to reproach their child all along or an excuse to keep their child in slavery all their lives or to bully them for the rest of their lives etc...
This originates in a FREE RESPONSIBLE CHOICE!

However, too often people choose to have children for very wrong and selfish reasons or they are simply unprepared to parenthood.
They consider their child as their property or as the victim who is going to get for them all they never could get themselves,
repair all their personal failures, take care of them for life as their dutyful prisoners, etc etc etc
So that their motivation in having children is very unrealistic, demanding, abusive and selfish.

Giving life is the most beautiful action of generosity but when one says GIVING LIFE
it means A GIFT AND A GIFT IS FOR FREE!!!IF YOU ASK TO TAKE BACK WHAT YOU GAVE, IT IS THE EQUIVALENT OF THEAFT!

I saw too many adult children still physically or mentally abused by parents continually destroying them and bullying them
and yet religious authorities were still sending them back to : 
honour your parents, forgive them, in other words, keep allowing
them destroying you as a person, destroying your profession, destroying your private life and marriage, family etc

So many crimes are committed during Christmas family reunions when abusive parents are invited to continue their bullying but
suddenly one who has forgiven and honoured, too often, would not cope anymore and it all ends up in a pool of blood!

Friends, what i wish to explain here is what I would say, in certain situations VITAL!!!
As I said earlier, the nature of TRUE LOVE AND TRUE JUSTICE ARE ONE!
Harmony and balance are key words regulating our universe!
Spiritual laws taken out of context can lead us to terrible extremes which are actually leading us to allow crime!

One spiritual law cannot be taken out of context from OTHER SPIRITUAL LAWS!!!!
Sometimes when one or two or three spiritual laws interact, we can even see one of them disappearing in front
of one or two others, depending on each specific situation.

We are not to obey like robots the letter of the law in blindness and unfairness,
but we must allow the spiritual essence of Universal Love and Justice to be our true reference in every situation!

The letter kills the spirit and too often blind legalism and tradition are keeping us in UNGODLY or UNLOVING
situations in stead of promotting their purpose which should only be Universal Love and Justice!

Love yourself as your neighbour is another spiritual law that will inform you that if parents or spouses are
not respecting you and loving you as an equal human being, you must not keep allowing them to abuse you!


Excusing would be keeping on taking the abuse and remaining in the situation, risking your life everyday and allowing
them to destroy you more and more whilst they will be accumulating blood on their hands, which will one day lead them
to a worse punishment.

Forgiving is, in time and when you are ready to grant that grace to your aggressor, a liberating inner process,
which is going to first free you from negative energy and second help them from a distance to get the chance to
repent and change.

Forgiving does not mean for you to go back and take more abuse from the aggressor, on the contrary it is not only in your
interest as an innocent victim to take a distance from the aggressor so not to get abused anymore, but it is also in the
interest of your aggressor so they get a chance to realise that abusing is wrong and that they must change for the
better.

Good counsellors would never advice a beaten wife to go back home to her husband!!!

At the contrary the real help for both aggressor and victim is to separate.
This separation can be total and irrevocable through divorce or it could be temporary, it all depends case by case!

Sometimes, if the aggressor, admits his wrong doing and is consenting to take on some therapy etc
with time and testing, there is a chance that that person has changed enough to come back in the same mariage or relationship without going back in its sick addiction!
Yes violence and abuse are addictions, like alcoholism and drugs etc
No one can take excuse of doing such things because of the behaviour of another human being!!!

These are purposely evil choices to be disciplined or sicknesses of the mind which need to get cured!!!!
Your aggressor too needs time and space to change and grow a better person and you are not paying him a service by sticking there as his punching ball!

Unfortunately it happens that sometimes the aggressor does not wish to change or even if willing is unable
to change enough to go back to this same relationship.
It is sad but it does happen!!!

In this case, the former victim can keep on sending love and praying for the former spouse or parent,
from a distance but should not go back to the relationship.

Honouring parents is a command concerning people who behave as honourable parents.
One is not commanded to honour criminals and bullies!!! THIS WOULD BE TOTALLY ABSURD!!!

One can still love parents or spouse but since these aggressors chose not to behave as parents
or spouse then one must love oneself enough to move on from such abuse.

Friends, let us be logical... if anyone comes to us telling us they have been victims from an abuse...
OUR FIRST DUTY IS TO HELP AND TAKE CARE OF THE VICTIM NOT TO ORDER THEM TO FORGIVE THE AGRESSOR!!!! AND NOT
JUDGE THEM BECAUSE THEY ARE SO HURT THEY CANT FORGIVE ASAP!!!!
SO PLEASE HELP CHARITIES WHO ARE HELPING ABUSED CHILDREN AND SPOUSES TO GET THE INNER HEALING AND PRACTICAL
HELP THEY DESERVE TO START A NEW LIFE!!!!
THATS HONOURING JUSTICE AND TRUE LOVE!

It seems to me that sometimes the real true reason behind insisting for the victim to excuse the crime of the abuser is precisely to emphasis primitive male tyrannical values as in charge of our world, rather than allowing spiritual feminine virtues balancing our world. The sad results of such practices is that everybody loses
and our world is in danger of destruction. So let's change that
and make it a WIN WIN SITUATION... instead...

It is difficult to explain in depth such important issue just in a blog so I am still working at my
book, WHY MARRY?
Meanwhile, I hope this helped!

Lots of love
sister lucy


Please find following extracts i copied from Join a cause on facebook,STOP VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN!!
About Stop Violence Against Women

My mission is to stop or at the very least make ppl more awear of whats happening all around the world everyday
you can help stop this form happening to someone u know
1. Here are some statistics to get your mind thinking
2. 4.9% of women (338,700ppl) experienced physical violence by a man.
3. 2.6% of women who were married or in a de facto relationship (111,000 ppl) experienced violence by their partner in the previous 12 mouths
4. in the previous 12 month period, 104,600 women experienced physical violence by their partner, 75,800 by a previous partner and 67,300 by a stranger.

Signs of abuse Below is a list of possible signs of abuse. Some of these are illegal. All of them are wrong. You may be abused if your partner:

•Humiliates you in front of others
•Destroys your property
•Hurts you (by hitting, beating, pushing, shoving, punching, slapping, kicking, or biting
 • Forces you to have sex against your will
• Blames you for his or her violent outbursts
If you think someone is abusing you, get help. No one has the right to hurt you. And if you can think of any more possible signs then plz write them down too. .

More Actions from Stop Violence Against Women